This poem was an entry in Epilepsy Today's first-ever festive poetry contest: Outside the lines.
I live in Canada. I run an epilepsy advocacy blog called Sandpaper Smiles and I am a co-founder of the Epilepsy Awareness Squad! I have had epilepsy since I was five years old.
Shake, Suffer, Seize
My body escapes me
This can’t be happening
This can’t be happening again.
I struggle to breathe
Struggle to find a sense of time
The doctors didn’t help with the situation
they brushed me aside and threw me on medication
I became a different person full of anger and frustration
A palm full of pills makes everything fine right?
No this world isn’t some utopia
There isn’t one pill that can change who I am
Was treatment even worth it
Was I wasting my time?
Or was I wasting away?
My life was no longer mine.
Freak, loser, zero
I wasn’t different I was strange
Sad lonely angry, I was going insane
Like the dishes after dinner I was starting to drain
And as each day trickled by nothing changed in my brain
Popping pills, Downing meds
Made my brain give up
I wanted to leave this world, I had had enough
Isn’t measured in the number of days
It is measured in the number of ways
That you laugh
Or that you cry
And yes I still have Epilepsy
Yes there’s still pain
But after all this chaos
My heart has stayed the same.