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Billy

Hi, I’m Sean I’m 18, dropped out of school after year 10 and currently don’t do anything.

What I’ve just said and what I’m going to say normally causes people to say I’m just looking for attention and I’m lazy, playing the victim etc.

I’ve been suffering with depression and anxiety since puberty really I can’t handle any kind of pressure, had insomnia for as long as I can remember, in the last 2-3 years of my life I got diagnosed with the Depression, anxiety and insomnia as well as Chronic fatigue syndrome and juvenile myoclonic epilepsy, but I’ve never been suicidal which I think almost makes people not care too much because I’m not going to kill myself, I don’t really cry often and I prefer not to tell or show much to anyone, but I care too much about what people think of me.

I just want to be able to get up in the morning and go to work, go to the dentist, get my hair cut, go to the pub with some friends, make some friends, get my own apartment, sort myself out. People will think well why don’t you just do it, but I say that to myself multiple times every single day. I just can’t do it, and I know people are worse off than me but I only know my situation and that situation I just can’t do it 😞

I don’t know if what O have, what I’ve been diagnosed with affects the fact I don’t do things, I hate myself every day for not being able to provide for my amazing mother who does basically everything for me, my friends and my self but at the same time I don’t regret leaving school, I don’t regret being unemployed at home with my parents.

I get told off for not taking my tablets but to be honest it’s just, I’m embarrassed to even have epilepsy, it gets joked about regularly in social media and I just want to deny the fact I have it 😞

Billy
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Comments

Hang in there Billy. You are the one that matters. You'll get there. Tap yourself on the back for coping with what you've managed so far. Smile with pride and reassure yourself that this lack of ability & motivation has nothing to do with being lazy or attention seeking.
I can only say this 'cos I've been through it all. I'm 63yrs old and have been having seizures for 40yrs now, still no medication has been found. I've just learnt ways to cope, smile and enjoy as best I can. And it does work.

Submitted by Michele Eckford on

Hi billy
Your comments struck a massive chord with me...my son (now 31) has been living with epilepsy since the age of 10...he was always surrounded by loving family and friends but gradually his epilepsy medication isolated him in company and he really struggled with all relationships including family and close friends....being in large groups of people was so hard as he found it near impossible to keep up with conversations...he started to bottle up his anger and frustrations and consequently whilst trying to work hard and be ´normal’ he gradually isolated himself from loved ones and starting hanging out with people that had pretty much given up on themselves but who didn’t try and ´help him and try and find help and solutions’ like we all did.
My son became dépendant on dope to ease the anguish and then lost his self belief and self respect....he would sleep with anyone, male or femalé, often much much older women.....he was only comfortable around people who had no expectations or love for him...
I will never give up on him but I don’t know what I can do to help him......maybe I can’t....
Do you recognise any of the things I’m talking about Billy and can you offer me any advice.... please help me

Submitted by Val jones on
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