I’ve had epilepsy 30 years and it still catches me off-guard. I may have had the condition for a long time, but until the end of 2017, I didn’t really accept it.
I ran to Australia and stayed for 12 years. I was angry. I felt that if I went to Australia I could be someone else; someone who didn't have epilepsy. If you spoke to my friends out there many would be surprised if you told them I have epilepsy. I ignored it. I took the meds, I was too frightened not to – but I told no one. That’s denial. I just wanted a chance at a ‘normal’ life.
In summer 2017 the stress of 30 years of denial broke me and I had a dissociative seizure. This led to a period of intense anxiety which led to me deciding that it was either up or down. I chose up. I have epilepsy and people with epilepsy have the tendency to have seizures. I can’t change it, but I can accept it.
I now keep my own, epilepsy blog goldilockscomplex.org because with epilepsy you can't have too much, you can't have too little; everything has to be just right.