I've always wanted a normal life. To pursue my passion, to write stories, to create music, to finish my college and to have my dream work. I want to be a normal person. I was 15 years old when I started to feel something was wrong in me. I was studying hard that time and I just thought to myself that I was just exhausted. Then I wasn't able to go to school for days and weeks. We had several check-ups on the heart, eyes, and blood but no problem detected. So, I continue and motivated myself that I'm completely OKAY. But in reality, I was just pretending.
I got a full scholarship when I was in College, my parents weren't able to support me so I worked and studied hard to maintain my scholarship but as the pressure gets harder I frequently experience seizures. Like I wasn't able to control my body even when I'm conscious and it progresses to violent spasm. I was so embarrassed that my schoolmates and professors had to witness what was happening to my body. I HAD NO CLUE what was happening to my body. Until the school doctor breaks it to me. We just all finished our lunch and I was called to the clinic room. The Doctor explained that I have to find a neurologist and the rest was a story. I remember walking back to my room after her revelation and I really don't know what seizure was.
I told my mom everything and she immediately tried all her best to work on everything. I first had an EEG test, and they saw I have a problem. Though the cause was unknown. Everything that was happening that time wasn't sinking to my head. I still thought that I was normal and I can live like a normal people do. I first took two different medicines and one of them almost took my life. I had to sacrifice my studies and rest. The medicine terribly affected my body. I wasn't able to walk, until, I was no longer able to speak and eat. I also had endless headaches. I was weeping so loud in my hospital room because of excruciating pain in my head. I tried another doctor after four years, yes, I think I was traumatized by that first medicine so it took me long years to have another check up.
I was already suffering from depression since I was young. I often think of hideous ways for my death. I had tried overdosing different medicine at a time, and I've also tried cutting myself. I had several trial and errors medication and I've suffered from several horrendous side effects including depression. I had horrible nightmares and sleep paralysis. My seizures got worse. I wasn't able to finish neither to go back to college. I often overdose my medicine when my depression hit. My life was far from normal. I couldn't even read a book, I was so limited and so weak that I was jobless for 6 years. I wasn't able to help my parents. My depression worsens and I felt like I was alone.
When my dad has given me a phone, I was able to use Facebook and then I found this wonderful group. Epilepsy and Seizure Support group. I realized then that I was not alone! I have learned a lot from the group and I've friends to encourage and comfort me during my dark moments. Step by step, little by little, One medicine perfectly worked in me until now. I still have seizures but seldom. This year, 2017, I was able to challenge myself physically, I've been reading books again, creating music and exploring arts. I was able to minister to the Kids as well! And right now, I am working as a Home Based English teacher. I have the capability to help my parents now!
I want to shout out that there is always HOPE! We may not be able to completely recover but we are able to uplift the shrinking hearts and comfort the fading souls. God is a big part of my 12 years journey. And to tell you the truth, without Him, I won't be writing here telling my story. He sustained and strengthens me. He healed my heart. To make most out of this opportunity to live as a Warrior, you have to learn to trust God and Hope in Him.