Fanny Hill

After my writers block unblocked out I came from my state of epilepsy which I have had for some 37 years, now I'm a poet and I know it!

Wondering aimlessly
through my mind
outside world disconnected
a jump
an absent mind
Who? Where am I?
A jump then 2
the pain no pleasure
a blanket of grey
and I'm all blank
Who? Where am I again?
I'll try and write
while in this state
State of Epilepsy
with its wondering
weirdness and wonderment
make no mistake
I'm on a wonder
my life's at stake
in your hands
I have to play
cause this set
ain't goin away
one two three
jump again
Who? Where am I?
No I can't handle that
be calm be quiet
stay out of my face!
stay out of my face!
Where is this place?
Oh yeah-my living room
I know you!
Do you know me?
Squashed and blanketed
to pain and confusion
Jump Jump Jump again
looks like rain
the birds are singing
my ears are ringing
tinnitus that blanket
blanket of cloud
I'm here I know I am
I'm there too
Where?
I don't know
where I've been
when I get back
no steps to track
in front of you
another world I'm in
its still Me
in this skin
and your my next of kin
this pen needs ink
now I'm thinkin
how long will it take
for this action
to take place
distraction my reaction
slow to react to
infact the charge
electric
BANG!
Oh dear! Oh dear!
Used to be
Oh fuck!
Stop still nothing
neck braking pain
not raining yet
I have no regret
bout this
Epilepsy thing
one 2 jump
a struggle
leaves me in
a timeless muddle
to get back like a puzzle
like wearing a muzzle
no I cant speak
talk communicate
a demonstrate: Blank
jumpin sometimes
positively bouncin
electric buzz
like a bee in my head
vibration irritation
no motivation
a palpitation
heart felt emotion
puddles of tears
releasing all my fears
pressure tinnitus
elation inspiration
jubilation No later
relieve relive revive
I'm alive
jump! Bang!
Hangin again
my brains not my own
makin me groan
Oh dear! Oh dear!
Turmoil like
slipping in oil
my brains tippled
lopsided over the edge
jump off that ledge
No No get back
don't want to fall
into that world sends me in a whirl
I'm just a girl
I'm so tired
just want to sleep
1 2 3 jump
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 jump
…10 11 12 jump
relax...girl
jaw biting spasms
stamp there mark
right here on my forehead
sometimes my head
feels dead a lifeless
mindless void
black in shadows
no colour or pattern
no meditation glow
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27...sleep...
the light across my lids
streams with dreams
singin rhymin dreamin
a jump a bang
Oh dear! Back there again
more and more
as the hours roll by
my eyes rollin
not knowing...Who am I?
In that state again
State of Epilepsy
my very own state
where nothing matters
no one figures
all in shadow dark
no larkin no talkin
no laughter no farting
no eating just drink
I'm sitting here on the brink
a mind implosion
with a bang an explosion
no brain erosion
one big intrusion
no incision no drug
just me in there
makes me very aware
even though thoughts are a blare
repetitive mundane sensitive
no one else in the frame
I'm really glad you care
and thank you for being there